Dear Connie
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our 'cooling off' period, but I could not wait any longer.
The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again but that was just the wounded little boy in my talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now i can see tht my pride has cost me a lot of things. I am tired of pretending I don't miss you. I do not care about looking bad any longer. I do not care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it is time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.
That is what my heart says. There is noone like you Connie, I look for yu in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they are not you. They are not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home ih me. I do not say this to hurt you, but to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spen ice skating can give you. I mean. just a perfect body. T!ts like you would not believe and an a$$ that would just not quit. Every man's dream, right?
As I sat on the couch, being blown by this stunner, I thought look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does the perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I am getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought that out before, maybe I am growing up.
Later, after I had tossed her a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking. "Why do I feel so empty and drained? It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hinger, but something else, a nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me, it did not feel the same, because you were not there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feeld the same without you. Jesus, Connie I am going crazy without you. And everything I do reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol? The single mum we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by with some Lasagne, she figured I was not eating properly since you left. I did not know what she meant until later, but the real story is that we had a few glasses of wine, next thing you know we are banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart is a total monster in the sack. She is giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does, when she is not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your Grandmother's old vnity, So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. It makes me sad, because I cannot help thinking "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor?" We've had this vanity for what? 14 years? And we never used it s a sex toy.
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicki is just a kid, but she has a pretty good head on her shoulders and she has been a real friend to me during this painful time. She has given me lots of good advice about you an about women in general. SHe is pulling for us to get back together, she really is.
So we are doing Jello shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here is this 18 year old girl, with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think about how much she looks like you when you were 18. And then it turns out that Vicki is totally into the anal thing, that brings me to how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that fuelled the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when i am thrusint inside your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can think of is you. It is true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Do you think we could start over? Just wipe all the grievances away and start afresh? I think we can. If you feel the same, please, please let me know.
Also, could you let me know where the fcuking remote is?
All my love...
